What Am I Doing?

Though I have been homeschooling my daughter for six months, and things are going fairly well, I can't prevent the inevitable moment, while brushing my teeth, or on one of my walks, or sitting in my chair, when an invisible hand plunges through my chest to squeeze the air from my lungs.


"Are you mad?" says a voice. "You are condemning your daughter to a substandard education, isolation, ignorance to the ways of life in America."


"I know," I say.


"What about college? What about social skills? She will be apart, different."


"I know," I say.


If I let that moment pass without allowing it to overwhelm me, without running to the superintendent's office and enrolling her, I realize that I chose to homeschool my daughter for those very reasons.


She was getting a substandard education, one that is concerned with test scores, not knowledge. Students learn performance strategies, not information. Learning is a chore, not a pursuit, not a revelation.


The myth of socialization is one of the most difficult to overcome, but it must be. Under the pleasant euphemism we call socialization are militant hierarchies and cruel separatism. Let's face it, high school is run by high schoolers, not the school administrators. The limited emotional maturity of the ruling populace is reflected in the prevailing elite victimizing, sometimes with tragic consequences, the "lesser" class.

Life in America. I think this is the most significant reason for homeschooling. I'm not a big fan of the American path. Frenetic, near manic consumption, mindless competitive zeal, and a capitalist fundamentalism that exemplifies the worst of us.

Unlike most, however, I do not think that wedding our laws to biblical interpretations is the answer. The nascent sprint to the baptismal pool feels almost desperate. But that's a discussion for another time.

As these thoughts invade then fade, I'm once again convinced homeschooling is the right thing for her. My fear has not abated but is manageable.

When I open the door to her room and find her on the internet, researching Finnish composers, or translating a foreign song's lyrics, answering her own questions, the fear disappears. Learning used to be a scheduled event in her life, an exercise in appeasement. When she had performed enough tricks, she was released, allowed to do the things she desired. Now, learning is her desire.